next week our two seventh grade girls have a test that will determine what high school they are eligable to attend. they believe that this test will determine the quality of their lives, that if they don't get into a good high school they will not get into a good college and then in society they might as well be dead. this is a paraphrased quote. they used the word dead. emma said that although she knew she wouldn't be physically dead, socially she would be. she is so stressed out that she has drawn a slit on her wrist with red pen to relieve her tension.
I know she'll do well, she is extremely quick-witted and intelligent, but it bothers me to know that these girls don't get to be carefree at all as seventh graders, they are already having to make choices which they believe will determine their entire future, and they believe that one slip up will doom them forever. of course I take talk of suicide seriously, even when it's said in a joking manner, and I tried to tell her that this test does not determine her worth as a person, that no matter what happens she has choices, that even if her choices in korea were to end up being limited, she could go somewhere else. in the u.s. this girl would quickly surpass most students her age. when I said that she said, "just pick up and start again?" in an almost sarcastic manner, like the idea was appealing to her but she didn't believe it would really be possible. I don't think it will be necessary, like I said I think her scores will be excellent. I just feel for these kids, all the pressure that is on them from themselves, their parents and their society. emma and rose, as seventh graders, say that they believe their country's future rests with them and that since the country is small they have no choice but to be hyper-motivated and successful. can you even fathom something like that coming out of the mouth of a seventh grader in the u.s.?...and then in other ways they are just normal kids, giggling and trying to get me and tricia to let them talk through their whole lesson instead of doing work, etc...

speaking of motivation, I need to buckle down and study my korean a lot more. since I'm paying for these lessons I need to get the most out of them. I'm doing well remembering how to say things, that's fairly easy for me. I pick up on sounds very quickly through repetition. it's the reading and writing that's tripping me up. I still don't have my vowels straight, many of the consonants confuse me...they look so similar to one another, and there are seperate letters for sounds that, when spoken, have almost no detectable distinction. the 'b' and 'p' sounds seem interchangable to me most of the time because the difference is so subtle. that's what's tripping me up on everything else, I'm still stuck on the friggin alphabet! what I need to do is completely ban the t.v. for a few days and do some intensive studying.