I'm sitting in the computer lab (or PC bang, as it's called here) surrounded by middle schoolers and high schoolers playing computer games, being reminded of why it's a bad idea to come in here late in the day on weekends. ah well. at least I dragged myself out of the apartment at all, which is impressive, considering I wandered home around 4:21 a.m. last night. tricia and I went to the bar thinking it was quiz night, but it wasn't, and the bar was pretty empty...we played chess (which, as much as I'm trying, I just cannot muster any enthusiasm for). I looked around the room and commented on how I just haven't been able to bring myself to have any desire to engage with the people in the gringo bars here. except for new year's eve, and that was disastrous. so I go up to buy order a second drink, and these two dudes are sitting at the bar and start boring holes in me with their eyes. I tried to hide behind the post and not make eye contact, but apparently it didn't work because five minutes after I sat back down they made a beeline for our table and asked if they could join us. tricia said sure, although I could tell she wasn't thrilled either. they introduced themselves: pat, who was in his mid to late fifties, and kurt, mid-thirties. kurt was actually slightly attractive. he'd sat himself next to tricia, and pat was next to me. he tried make conversation, and I tried to be gracious, but was really just creeped out, because he was old enough to be my father, literally. turns out he has a son my age. they're both military dudes, but pat's a civilian now. kurt is in the air force. he had stories about rennaissance festivals and some group of people who roleplay as a mongolian horde. at some point a song came on and kurt turned to pat and asked if it was the smiths, and I said no, it wasn't. because it wasn't. and kurt said "wait, you like the smiths? what about the cure?" and I said that yes, I liked the cure. and he got all excited, telling me that he had the entire cure and smiths discographies on his computer and he couldn't believe I liked them. as though it's difficult to find people who like the cure and the smiths. please. but that opened the door for the music conversation, and we got to name dropping our musical tastes, concerts we'd been to, etc. I was actually into the conversation for once, since I haven't found anyone who shared my musical tastes here so far. he impressed me a bit with indigo girls and tori amos, cuz it's fairly rare to find a straight dude who will admit to liking them. this was about where he made pat switch places with him so he could sit by me. then I mentioned lou reed and he ran up to the bar and requested "wildside." heh heh. a fairly obvious song choice,but not bad. he lost me at blink 182, though. so anyway, tricia ducked out somewhere near the beginning of the music conversation. I did want to stay and talk with them, but I knew I'd have to be calculating about my exit in order to avoid any awkwardness. they'd bought me two drinks. I usually make it a rule never to accept drinks from men because I don't want them assuming things, but I was actually having a good time with these guys and I knew they were harmless. I decided to buy a round myself, but I ended up being about three bucks short so pat had to spot me. oops. he asked if I had enough for a taxi and everything, like he would lend me money if I didn't, and I said I was fine, planning in my head to hit the atm before I caught a cab. I was only planning on staying another half hour or so, but it ended up being more like an hour and a half, during which it came to light that kurt likes rent and phantom of the opera. I began to rethink my straight-dude-who-likes-tori-and-indigo girls theory, and consider a repressed-military-homosexual theory at this point, but who knows. pat mentioned having seen hedwig in seoul, and I got all excited and started reccomending that he see shortbus, telling him that although there was a lot of sensationalism about the graphic nature of the film, it was really about the relationships between the characters. kurt then said "wait, don't tell me you watch movies more for the charachters than for the plot! that's excatly what I do!" this was when I realized that he was either way too drunk or way to enthusiastic and it was about time for me to go. I made a gracious exit after exchanging emails with them and promising to send them some of my writing. then I walked to lotte young plaza, only to discover that the atms apparently aren't 24 hours. the subway had long since stopped running for the evening (that happens here, like in london). so I realized I would have to walk home. I wandered around for a good while slightly lost, because I haven't done a whole lot of navigating downtown on foot. it was cold, and after what seemed like an hour it occurred to me that maybe I just should have stuck with the guys. pat lived very close to me and I'm sure I could have shared their taxi. but I didn't want them to know where I lived. I guess I could have taken pat up on his offer of cab fare, though. I don't know. it's hard to tell what's wisest in these situations. regardless, I found my bearings before too long and made it home at 4:21 a.m. to crawl into bed.

I just had the strangest movie-going experience of my life. after tricia, kristen and I ate haejongguk (beef bone soup), tricia had to go home to get ready for dance class, and kristen and I decided to go to a movie. the only english (we thought) movie that was playing any time soon was a movie called the orphanage, for which we both recalled seeing a preview. we both recalled it as being in english and definitely starring nicole kidman. it turns out we are both apparently delusional, because the movie was actually el orfanato. it was completely in spanish (with korean subtitles of course), and nicole kidman was nowhere to be found. it was, however, the scariest film I've ever seen. luckily, kristen speaks pretty fluent spanish, so she kept leaning over and translating for me. but even without the translation I would have been riveted. I know enough spanish to pick up some of the overriding ideas of the conversations, and as tricia always says, if a film is good you don't need the dialogue to get the story. I promise you, this movie is much creepier than rosemary's baby. the sound, the lighting, the camera work...it was just beautiful and horrifying at the same time. when I came out of the theater, there was still adrenaline pumping through my body. it was bizarre. afterwards I went for a walk to calm myself, and then bought running shoes.

that's been sunday so far. I spent most of saturday sleeping, after being out until about 4:30 a.m. with our co-workers. we found out on thursday that friday was celine's last day. this is typically how things are for tricia and me at work. all sorts of plans are made and things happen around us in korean, and then someone thinks to tell us in english at the last minute. it's not deliberate, they don't mean to leave us out, it just happens that way. so anyway, we all went out friday night. first we went to this huge restaurant/bar in a hotel where a filipino band was playing covers of american pop songs. twice I was dragged up to dance in front of the whole room, and the koreans kept telling me how much they loved my dancing. I'm sure it was good for comic value, anyway. there was this business man who danced around the room with his hands in the air. he was hilarious. I may have gotten video of him. then we went to a noraebang and sang for a couple of hours. it was the most fun I've had in awhile, but yeah...it took me all of saturday to recover.

in the midst of the revelry, ms. kim (our boss) urged us to renew our contracts when they expire. she's asked me before, and I keep kind of skirting the issue...I honestly don't want to. I didn't plan for this to be a long-term thing, and I still don't. I'm having fun and I really do enjoy the job, but I miss home. she kept saying how good we are and how much the children like us and that they need us to stay. "think of blayne, and robert, and ellie..." exactly the way to tug at my heartstrings. and it is good money, I can't deny that. logically, I should probably stay. but I have an apartment and a cat in new york, and friends that I miss, and I don't want to spend another holiday season away from my family...it just sucks that the only chance I've had at financial stability is across the ocean from home. I promised ms. kim I'd give her an answer tomorrow (because if I leave she has to start looking for a replacement now), and I think it's going to have to be no. I'm following my gut rather than my head. I'm not looking forward to telling her, though.

I am, however, grateful that any time I've left a place, it's been a difficult decision. I've put some roots down everywhere I've ever lived, which means that I make a habit of engaging with people and allowing my experiences to transform me, at least in small ways. but it certainly makes every decision more complicated.